Nostalgia

Thank you life. I need a spring coat. I am def. going to find a great track to run this spring. I miss running outside through the back trails in Muskoka. I miss cutting through the trees, pressing my running shoes on dirt trails and muddy pockets under the shaded trees… launching myself over huge roots and shredding every birch bark tree i pass… I miss the fresh air in my lungs. I miss the colours. I miss glancing up and only seeing the greenest leaves over head,  I miss how the sun sweeps through those leaves and I miss the feeling that I am reaching my destination.. I miss coming to the edge of the trail, nearing theShadow River bridge, and the Smith’s house. I miss the inner voice that always pressed me to keep going, only 3 more k bitch keep running, pass the B&B and the baseball diamond, make a right afterMcMullen drive, pass Corbin Patten’s house… my feet are no longer on uneven forest ground or firm HWY concrete, this road is gravel, deep mud patches everywhere, always look to my left at Naomi’s Coach Store, really cute finds in there, and continue to the corner, turn right again at the General Store, Spencer Freight was so weird… then wish that I could afford anything and everything in the Smith’s jewelery store at the back of the G store, almost home free. I can see the docks, where I used to smoke way too often, I see the lake. I want to jump in, keep going, 5 more minutes you’re almost there, another right, I never noticed, enter the park, I can smell nicotine in the air, grade tens are smoking hidden amongst the trees, I can see red floating embers, pass the park, staying to the left side, theresWestage, I wonder if P Foster is home, I miss Cass Elliot, here comes the hardest part Westgate stairs… the steepest, most irregular wooden steps ever known to Rosseau, the over arching roots on the third step trip me up but I take longer strides and press onward. At the top, gravel, finally, I pass Qtip, Attala & Boyack as they go down for a dart, Q & Marc make a dirty comment about the single drop of sweat on my right temple and encourage me to keep going, Boyack smiles because he loves me for trying, I’m passed Clarkson now, I glance left to see through the library window, China is at a computer as always and Tweedy is beside her per usual, finally my home, Brock, I slow my pace down and continue to the Dining Hall until I can come to a slow stop. I turn back to walk to Brock, hands on my hips, breathing slowly, in through your nose now, out through your mouth, think clearly, stay calm, good time, walk… I am relieved as I saunter towards the red door, the metal door handle is cold and as I swing the door open the air conditioning completely washes over my body. Laura & Sarah come giggling into the hallway from their room, they are up to no good, per usual, as I greet them with a huge smile, I can see the laughter in their eyes, and I am happy. I walk into my room immediately ripping my warm, wet and lightly salted clothes off. breathe. 

& at this moment I can only fantasize about immersing myself in two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen. cleanse me. I am filthy and hot. at this moment I want to loose myself. I want to be a part of the lake and for it to be a part of me. I want the water to clean every pore. I surrender my soul . & I wonder what is more rewarding finishing the run or being touched by you? 

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